you ended my heartbeat

My daily dosage.

Confinement will soon come to an end ! Another 10 days ,then i can bathe to my hearts content ! Many issues have been up in my mind, however no one I could rely to , not even Lee. The most disgusting part is, I hate to be sandwiched. Many things have been getting on my nerves and it really adds on to maternity blues. I couldnt understand why is it so hard to please both sides of the family, and why doesnt one self know what is automatic. If everyone tries to give in a little and be less sarcastic in the way of talking, things would turn out better isnt it ? In fact, there is much miserys in me.Thinking of what might happen after confinement, more issues would rise.

Give me some space to breathe my lungs, this is just a piece of my thought.

I gave birth to my own daugther, cant I be the one deciding things for her? Why is it that there is no more of our own time where you would actually want to follow on everything that involves us or even baby. Pretty much I know you cared about baby, but cant you give us some space to do what we want? Is it that you think we're still young that we dont know a single shit or is it that youre the one providing money so you can have your say in everything ? I know by having the first grand baby, she'll be the little precious of everyone. But with all your actions, it adds on to my irritation level. Its my girl, shouldnt I have the right to visit the doctor with her even if im in the midst of confinement? Why can oneself be so selfish? Even when it arrives at the clinic, cant I have the right to carry my own baby even though ive did that most of the time at home? This is really pissing me off. You had your own way to dote your grandchild, but please give me some space when I am her mother ! Yes,I am young and ignorant thats why I got myself pregnant, but now ive already gave birth to her please please give me the right to decide what i want and give me the time of our own. Only the 3 of us ! Even on my post natal checkup, you want to tag along. You wouldnt know how happy I was knowing that I could have the time of my own with Lee. Even when its only that pathetic 1 hour. This dont reflect on how I will disobey on whatever you say, but I just need some space to rant out about my feelings. It had been cope inside me for the longest time ! FUCK, i say !

Baby girl woke up at 3am and not wanting to sleeep , feeeling fucking pissed off now.

Still in the midst of confinement and yet lunar new year is here , how depressing huh. Okay, to start off with Gong xi fa cai to all :) In the new year to begin, again i need to emphasis im having my confinement. FUCK MY LIFE :( And i would like to know, is it that I have too much tears, I cry that easily or is it that im officially depress. I can jolly well teared for nothing. To add on, what to expect when someone who totally dont understand what your family mean and get a small fuss out of it ? Purpose of posting is to broadcast to other people and including to the people you would want them to see . I just hate my life now, okay.

Okay,its a new year I should be rejocing at home. I dont know what im saying cause im getting pek cke for small little things just like when Baby Chloe poo 2 times within 20 mins. And im the only one cleaning the mess at 2 am. A cheeky one that always doesnt wants to sleep in the night, making papa Lee super pekcke. She wakes up every 2 to 3 hours crying for milk and also her pooos. I think im not in the right of mind to post , so will come back when im not that depress.

BABY LEE IS OUT :) All along, felt that having this baby is a mistake, now she's out i find it all worth while. So confinement begins and it sucks. Mom dont allow me to bath despite my persistency . My hair is getting so disgusting :( Shouldnt have had that hair cut before birth, now all i could wait is for it to grow again.

Back to baby Lee, She was out on the 4th of Feb, weighing 2695G.

Having terrible contractions at 9 odds in the night, however thinking it to be fasle alarm, didnt told Lee & mommy.

At around 1.30 in the morning when im getting ready to bed, contractions came back . Waited till 2am before waking Lee up. & him, being a lazy pig asked me to rest ! So i turned to my mommmy instead knowing with the sixth sense that baby is coming out . Got ready and stayed at home till 230 before making our way down to raffles. Upon arrival which was like 3am, Im only 1.5cm dilated. So nurse commented that we've to wait another 9 more hours before baby will be out. And from there, ive got a little excited due to the fact that mommy says it'll be the year of tiger on the 4th. So baby lee had been obedient :)Fulfilling my wish. From every 1 hour to 2, the nurse will come in and check how many cm dilation. The feeling sucks, dont want to elaborate more. So by 4 to 5 am Im already 5cm dilated. Baby Lee is pretty eager to come out, as from expected she's suppose to be out around noon time, but her hairs can be already be seen at around 9 in the morning. Yes, she's my hairy baby :) So with the help of Lee's pushing, we manage to get her out at 1108am.

To my surprise, i got a shock when doctor threw the baby over to my hand. Never seen something so perfect, now that she has taken part of my life, guess all the hard work of 10 months has been all worth while. Excluding the confinement part which im really hating. Its only the 5th day :( Many people came over to visit, thanks for all the gifts and time taken down to visit baby and me :)

BABY CHLOE ♥

4th Feb 2010

Raffles hospital; Gynae Doctor Koh Ghim Wee

Normal Delivery with epidural

Weighing 2695G

KAIXIN♥

" She’s a lil girl,
living in her perfect world
Until the bad guy come,
and tore everything apart.."

Build your house brick by brick
Just like how you build your love between both
For the big wolf's gonna blow it down

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